Trauma Impacts Relationships Too

Often, when we think about trauma, we think about trauma and its impact on the individual. We think about the ways that trauma can cut us off from ourselves as a mental sense. It actually does cut pieces of our mentality apart from one another. It’s oftentimes where a lot of the pain, the disconnection, and the disillusionment can come from with trauma.

However, less frequently do we talk about the impact of trauma on relationships. Some common areas where trauma might show up could be the loss of a family member, the loss of a child, the loss of a job, or more poignantly right now, for a lot of us, in the face of a crisis such as a natural disaster—in this case, wildfires.

When it comes to trauma and relationships, it’s important to think about how individual trauma can make us feel cut off from parts of ourselves. This is very much the case with relationships. Traumas or crises can make us feel cut off from our partner as there are additional external pressures on our relationships that may cause areas of conflict that are already present to come more immediately or more powerfully to the surface.

Here are a couple of things to be aware of as you navigate a crisis or traumatic situation with your partner

Acknowledge the uniqueness of the experience. This is a particular and uncommon situation you’re going through. It’s rare for a relationship to face something like a natural disaster. Your relationship is coming up against challenges that are not everyday occurrences. It’s okay not to have the ability to immediately know how to handle everything. Give yourself and your partner some grace.

Be aware of your emotional saturation point. Recognize when you’re reaching your threshold of what you can tolerate. This can look different for different people. For some, it might feel like a sense of fuzziness, dissociation, or zoning out. For others, it might manifest physically—tension, changes in appetite, or changes in sleep patterns. These are signs that your body is having a hard time processing what’s happening.

Understand your partner’s emotional saturation point. What do you know about how they respond to stress? How do they act when they’re overwhelmed? Being able to recognize these signs in each other can help you provide empathy and support during these tough times.

Crises and traumatic situations are difficult to navigate, especially in relationships. But they also offer an opportunity to deepen understanding, foster compassion, and strengthen the connection between you and your partner. These moments, though challenging, can be moments of growth and resilience if approached with care and awareness.

If you’re finding it difficult to manage the impact of trauma on your relationship, reaching out for professional support can help you and your partner work through these challenges together. As a therapist in Pasadena, California, I offer compassionate, non-judgmental support for individuals and couples. Whether you’re working through trauma, improving intimacy, exploring alternative relationships like non-monogamy, or healing from religious trauma, therapy can be a powerful tool to rebuild connection and find healing.

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Gregory D Kilpatrick, MSMFT, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT 123790) in the State of California.

All services are provided by Zephyr, A Marriage and Family Therapy Professional Corporation, of which Gregory D Kilpatrick, LMFT, CST is the President, CEO and an employee.

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